did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
