Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
