the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
