people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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