I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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