so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
