Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I had to cum in my sink.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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