I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
