fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
