Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize