Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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