dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize