the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
this boner is exhausting
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
