I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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