You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
