My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
