everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize