is your mom at the bar?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
