i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
