If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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