ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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