You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
