please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
