I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
