farters have to be the big spoon...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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