We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
