my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
