the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
