Got a toothbrush?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
