also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
