I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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