All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
