in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
