So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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