Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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