theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize