Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
