i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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