I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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