her facebook's as public as her vagina
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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