Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
