Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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