ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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