just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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