Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
