I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
