At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
