So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Is her dick bigger than yours?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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