i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
