From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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