We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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