The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
