I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Green mimosas i think yes
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
