If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
