Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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