the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
