hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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