Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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