I heard we made out
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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