The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
