I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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