Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
