I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
where are my eyebrows?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
