Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
