I want to stick my p in your. b.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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